During my morning class, we took a class field trip to post where we were going to college in the communications hallway. This activity caused me to think a little bit more about my future. I had been accepted to the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor, and I had planned to go there, but the very high cost of out of state tuition threw my parents and me off and scrapped my plan at the last minute. I knew that in the back of my mind, getting an education at UNC was the most practical plan as it was a blessing to be in-state in order to take advantage of the cheap tuition, and it is a very good public institution as well. Also, it is better in the long term to invest less money into your undergraduate education. However, UNC was definitely not my first choice as I had plans to leave and go far away from North Carolina for college, but I always had an inkling that it was where most people (me included) were going to end up (I mean look at our school).
As I thought about my future and where I would inevitably be at in the coming fall, I felt a sense of resignation and disappointment. I had tried to avoid thinking about it as much as I could these past few weeks and maintain a sense of ignorance in the hopes that it would lessen the disappointment, but I realized it was just creating more of an unhealthy relationship with my future. In refusing to confront and accept the situation, I was just retreating into my comfort zone, and giving no thought to the positives of the situation and only focusing on what I don’t want and don’t have. This just sets me up for failure from the start and it is definitely not a good thing to not have a positive outlook when embarking on a new path, and in this case I hadn’t even started on my path.
We have all heard of that age old cliché, “College is what you make of it.” There is much truth in it, but there are many things in this world that are more easily said than done. As of right now, I am still in the process of fully accepting where my future lies after graduation. I know I have no choice but to accept it because obviously nothing can be changed at this point. I have also come to realize that deciding where you are going to go for undergrad, although it was one of the first and so far more important adult decisions I (and I’m sure most of us) have made in my(our) short life, is one of the more insignificant choices you will make in the context of the bigger picture of your life. Although I’m not undermining the value or importance of an undergrad education and experience, there are definitely a lot bigger and more important milestones and goals in being a somewhat functional adult, regardless of your post-secondary educational experience.
All in all at the end of the day, I have realized I should focus on the things that I do have and the path that I am currently on, rather than the things I don’t, could have had, and probably never will have anytime soon. I should focus on and live in the reality and face and come to terms with the inevitable, instead of living in the past or the future or in some unattainable fantasy. This can be applied to many aspects of life, not only limited to the first world problem of college decisions (just kidding).
As I am typing these words and trying to internalize what I have rationalized, I realize I still have not fully accepted my future. I know logically what I should do and the reasons for it, but I frequently let emotions get in the way of facts. I am also very stubborn. Hah. But I am working on it.
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